Thursday, August 31, 2017

Has She Lost Her Mind: The Full Truth of August 2017, as told by Susan B. Agony, with commentary from Susan M. Andersen.


Let's just name the 800 Pound Panda in the Room:
Has Susan Marie Andersen literally lost her mind?

SMA: Prolly. I mean...

Yep! We will hear from you later, Susan, I'm writing this blog today m'kay. So. I cannot read minds, although I often think I can with my special powers given to my brain from the Bipolar Type I. But, with the exception of my doctors (SHOUT OUT TO PAT & MICHELLE!!), most people won't listen to us crazies because they either:
  1. Assume we are off our meds.
  2. Assume we are having "an episode" (be it Manic or Depressed).
  3. I forgot number three.
But when you go into Le Hospital, you are taught a bunch of stuff and given all les drugs so it can be difficult to really know. Unless you do know.

SMA: Exactly, that's what I've been trying to tell you that –

Nope! I'm talking here, Suze. So, we will hear from her later. ANYWAY...

Bipolar Type I is tough because, if you happen to be a women of ambition, like moi, pretty much everything you do seems either Manic / Depressed / Chocolate / Vanilla / Strawberry, or Medium Oreo Blizzard. So, it can be tough...

SMA: No one ever brought me an actual Medium Oreo Blizzard.

SUSAN! Let's work on some manners here, eh? Understood?

SMA: Understood?

You sure? Ok. Onward...

So, anyway. No, I don't think she's "Crazy" right now. As far as I can tell, her mother is suffocating her with love like an overwatered house plant and she just needs to get up in the air and see the world at 30,000 feet again...

SMA: And It's been ELEVEN FUCKING MONTHS SINCE I'VE BEEN INSIDE AN AIRPLANNNEEEEE!

Susan Marie Andersen!!! 

Why don't you just Shut - The - FUck Up! 

...What's gotten into you...??

SMA: And I am NOT Manic, I'm working on my Depression, yes I feel smothered by my mother but what girl doesn't and –

WOW. Just, Wow

Girl does NOT know how to take a hint, and shut the fucking FUCK shit up! 

Geeze. So, Ok, let me continue. Ahem. As I was saying...

SMA: And I feel like I have to almost lie and cheat and steal just to get some peace of mind and have some quiet time alone to THINK and I am sick of people telling me that Social Media has ruined my life (how would you know? If you don't even know how to use an iPhone)... And, OH! Another thing I just remembered – 

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE MY NORWEIGIAN HOMIE ANOTHER BENZO?

SMA: No! You are wrong, Susan B. Agony, ma'am. I take all of my medicine each and every day and I breathe and I exercise and I meditate and I smell the flowers, and I'm –

Schtop Schtop SCHTOP! Hey, Susan?...

Do you remember

We have a 3/4s carton full of Steven Colbert Americone Dream in the freezer. !!!!

SMA: Oh yeeeeah. I totally forgot that we bought that ice cream when I picked up the rental car today...

RIGHT! 

So, what do you say we sneak into kitchen, steal our ice cream and watch more fun content on magic iPad? 

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

SMA: Welp. What about the rest of this blog post? Didn't you want to talk about the events of this past month? Explain things??

FUUUUUUCK THAAT. Dude.

SMA: Haha! Isaac quote.

Who's Isaac?

SMA: Um, I don't know. I mean, I, never mind. 
Ok! Deal! So this post is donezo!
SMA: Thanks for being my friend, Susan B. Agony.
Yeah, sure, whatevs. I get to take the first bite of icecream.
SMA: I get to light the last cigarette.
Deal.
SMA: Deal.
Ok, Seesuze, let's blow this joint. Race you to the kitchen. Or, not. Let's not and say we did. You are kind of, um. Gimpy. With that used-to-be-broken-now-kick-ass-cyborg-wrist.
SMA: Yeah, I know. Did I tell you it's multicoloured medical grade titanium??? And I can already play the piano, play the guitar, write in cursive, I was able to play pool! And, I was thinking too that –

...Do you hear crickets in the backyard? 

Do I look INTERESTED? 

Just... Stop talking. 

There's ice cream in the fridge. 

Let's go get it NOW. 

kthxbyeeee!!!


Good Night!
Sincerely,

Susan B. Agony \ Susan M. Andersen 
Mom's House / Upstairs Childhood Bedroom
Thursday, August 31, 2017
Minnetonka, MN
Sometime in the Middle of the Night
(But we are nOt mAniC and have slept a bunch!)



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