Monday, July 11, 2016

Crazy Club: An Essay on Trust

Street Art at the University of Minnesota

I am sitting at a coffee shop. It is a new coffee shop near my Mother's House in Minnetonka. It is called Dunn Bros. Perhaps you have heard of it.

I am sitting with two of my Friends. 

One time a wise man told me, "You have too many Friends. You consider everyone to be your friend."

<<< // False \\ >>>

I have very few capital F Friends. Very, very, very few. Why, Susan? You are so nice! You always look so HAPPY!?

Well.

I have an issue with Trust. Unfortunately, I have what is known as "Trust Issues."

I think lots of people have this. "Trust Issues." Each and every story is different. And, frankly, I am too exhausted to care anymore. But, today, I realized something. Something very important.

I am sitting here with two of my Capital F Friends and I am literally considering bringing them to my therapy appointment this afternoon. Why? Because. Because they get me. They get me, they like me and - THE MOST IMPORTANT THING OF ALL - 

My Capital F Friends "TRUST" me.

So, I hopped on my social media and I selected a few people who - I definitely don't trust (I mean, I know I should) - but people who are 
  • Smart
  • Unusual
  • Talented
And, perhaps it is part of being Bipolar I (now heavily medicated - now feeling more crazy - thank you, Lithium), I feel this urge to connect these people. Not for me, but, for them. I don't think it is a psychotic thought. I think it is a practical thought.

I see people / I meet people / they spill their guts - I KEEP THEIR GUTS LOCKED IN A VAULT - and then it goes on and on and on. 

My head is full. My brain is healing. But I can't stop connecting people. It is a habit. It is a borderline addiction. I'm sorry if I invited you into the Club and you didn't want to join.

All I want to do is connect you.

Why?

No clue.

Sincerely.
Susan B. Agony <3 div="" nbsp="">



No comments:

Post a Comment