Thursday, May 12, 2016

The Ground Rules: It's Like This Now

The following is a True Story. All events and conversations are accurate, to the best of the author's ability. Artistic liberties are smattered throughout. Names have been changed where deemed necessary.


[Shelia: I think it is fine if she wants to make a list. Let her get it out of her head, OK?  
Tom: Yeah, but if she provides all the coordinates – 
Bill: I'm getting another drink... 
Ashley: You guys are weird?]


YESSS. You guys got a new intern, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU!? Sweet. Get some Generation Z into the mix. I am seriously so done with Bill's outdated banality.

[Hi! Yep! I am so glad to be on the Command Center team, you are like, really cool! 
Zip it, Ash. 
Whatever. Billiam.]

Ok, quiet y'all. Let's get to work.

The Ground Rules:
  1. You will always be On Time. Being on time is critical. If you are not on time, you are lacking Integrity. Integrity is doing what You say You are going to do. If you are going to be late, let them know.

  2. You will not Text while driving. Very occasional glances at phone are highly unadvisable. You will not be defended if You make a mistake while viewing phone during operation of a motor vehicle. You will have to wait until the cars drive themselves.

  3.  You will maintain Consistent Breath. The breathing will be viewed in a circular fashion, always Present. You will inhale for five seconds [We added one for you due to extra lung capacity], you will hold for five seconds, you will Exhale for five seconds, and then you will hold for five seconds. You will visualize a Square. 

  4. You will continue to listen to music, using The Spotify tool. You will do this at the audio level that you choose, and you will not concern yourself with worries about future Ear Damage as this will not be an issue for you in the Future.

  5. You will Not allow yourself to release internal Rampant Anxiety, or Rage, or Unbridled Fear...You cannont, and you will not ingest the Stress and Fear of Others when the following incidents repeatedly occur in the World:
    • Gridlock Traffic
    • Distracted Drivers
    • Gun Violence
    • Spilled Milk
    • Irritable Parental Incidents
    • Terrorist Threats and/or actions
    • Mechanical or Pilot Error in airplane incidents
    • Racial Inequality
    • Stigmatization of those struggling with Mental Illness
    • Abandonment of Elders
    • Marital Conflict
    • Cancer / Body Failure
    • Your Father's Death
    • Your Own Mental Health Challenges
    • Actions otherwise specified as "Mistakes"

  6. You will commit yourself to the following causes:
    • Mental Health Awareness
    • Creativity / Art / Music
    • Marginalized and Oppressed Human Beings
    • Loving Family and Friends, whether in sickness or in health

  7. You will Fight and Tame your parasympathetic nervous system. If Operating System Crashes, you will override using the following:
    • The Breath
    • The Crystal
    • The Music
    • The Cigarettes [We will continue to permit until further notice. Noted. Sect. 359.b]
    • Buddhism and Christianity
    • If needed, Melatonin / Xanax / Temazapam / Seroquel [last resort, remember.]
    • The Humor
    • The Hope / Faith / Positive Thoughts
Do All This and Remember to Report back to Mom / Brother / Friends if System Crashes. That is all. 

Have a Nice Day.

[I am so pissed. I cannot believe that we ever allowed her to read Harry Potter. 
I am so fascinated by this ancient Neuroplasticity of the Brain! 
I am so proud of her. 
I am going to go grab a Coffee. Anyone want anything?]

Status: Subject is Human. 
Status: Complete.

__________ // ____________//____________//_____________//


Creative Inspiration:

Thank you! Most Sincerely,


  1. Enjoyed reading this and interestingly enough it made me happy.