Sunday, June 14, 2009

Ode To My Cats

Vincent, O' little Vinny, how I love your innocent pudginess.
You are always there, ready to lick my nose
with your rotten, stinky kitten breath.
No matter how much kibble I buy,
you eat half the bag before I can afford another.
Despite my claims that, "They're just cats!"
you've made me into a crazy cat mother.

You sleep above my head, you lick my shower clean,
you try to chase the bugs that crawl outside my window screen.
I bought you a harness and a little kitten leash.
Instead of going for trots around the lake, you ate the plastic and broke the $7.99 piece.
When I clip your claws, you purr with ignorant glee.
You like to drink out of the toilet after I take a pee.

You never judge when I take your photograph,
not even when I Photoshop in a stupid hat and put it on the Internet.
Your fur is so soft and your chubby belly is so warm,
you make me forget all of the meanies and fu*ktards who do me harm.
In the mornings when we sleep in,
you walk over my face and tickle against my chin.
Vincent, O' little Vinny, the Humane Society doesn't know what it's missing.

Oscar, I love you too, but with me you do not spoon.
Also... you are not as photogenic.

The End.

1 comment:

  1. holy fuck.

    those last two lines. laughed so hard.