Saturday, February 21, 2009

I Made a Scene in a Coffee Shop (Part I)

First, before I say anything, I just have to make a confession that I just spent the past hour trying to figure out technicalities of this blog and, at one point, the ENTIRE BLOG disappeared. I take a risk in even admitting my less-than-perfect web posting skills as I can clearly visualize you IT bullies huddled in a Chipotle somewhere, spewing out soft guffaws at my lack of html knowledge. 

You know who you are. You used to steal my lunch money on the playground and make me drink out of a soggy milk carton. Well, actually it was more like you read my text messages at the office when I was away from my desk, but whatever. You are forgiven, yet I am forever intimidated by your weather-beaten first generation iPhones and inside gamer jokes. I still don't get what "Pwned" means. Something about owning something. Or being owned?

OK, so the information I was searching for was actually super basic and I am probably just lazy for not finding the answer online somewhere. I was trying to figure out how to be able to post multiple pictures within the text of my posts and I got lost when looking up this info and found myself reading some fight between two posters on a threat on Flickr. Geeze, we all seem to be so hyper sensitive about our level of tech knowledge. It is almost like people who "have no idea how to use one of those computer things" are soon going to become retro cool. We might even strive to be like them. Kind of like Derelict in Zoolander.  

As long as I am in this free-flow rant, let's get one other tech gripe to get off my chest: Earlier today when, after wolfing down two bowls of Reese's Pieces cereal, I discovered a blood blister inside the left cheek of my mouth. Immediately fearing impending doom, I leapt online and (somehow) ended up on this BS Ask Men health page where all these guys where writing in about dark red spots in their mouth and wondering if they should get their affairs in order (and yes, I did intend a double entendre there). 

I found such a varied list of possible causes ("You bit the inside of your cheek", "It sounds like herpes zoster", "It could be cancer", "Have you been near monkeys?") that I had to resign myself to the fact that I have an UFO inhabiting mah mouf. (Might I regret this entry later when we look back and, after discovering that I DO have some kind of monkey disease, we say, "Oh dear, and she made light of the first blood blister, not knowing what was to come..." Oh man, why do I always have to be so dramatic in my ever-foreshadowing imagination?)

My response to this conundrum was to flee my apartment and walk the cold streets of Uptown. I was on a mission. Earlier I received a cryptic tweet from my friend, Steve:
"For the love of GOD Susie! GO BUY THIS BOOK! NOW!: Bigfoot: I Not Dead by Graham Roumieu. You will laugh til you cry"
I do not take recommendations lightly from Steve as he is a Canadian and, as everyone knows, Canadians don't eff around. So, I put on my Monkey hat (it has ears), my boots, winter coat, and old Isotoner red gloves from my mom and I started the trek to the Magers & Quinn bookstore on Hennepin. It was fun when I walked in because I discovered that one of my professors from college worked there. I love how I revert back to the same cheeky, bashful behavior that I would in elementary school if I saw Mrs. So and So, my whatever-grade teacher at the store. I immediately want to tell her/him all of my goings-on. It was no different today. "Hey, professor! I got a job now! I have an apartment too! I got this blog going!" and he nodded and smiled patiently.

We chatted about this signed copy of Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris, and then my professor told me how great the live Sedaris book reading recordings are and I almost committed to purchasing a $30 disc set of the new When You Are Engulfed in Flames. But no, I was not at the book store to window shop. I was there on a mission to find this Bigfoot book. Problem was, no one would take me seriously.

"It's called what?" 
(– Two different bookstore people and later, a librarian). 

"It is called Bigfoot, I Not Dead. Geeze, get with the program. We are obviously talking about Classic literature material, here." 
( – Me, sounding very serious).

So, Magers & Quinn was a no-go. Booksmart down the street gave me a little bit of the stink eye. They, like Magers & Quinn, were able to find it in their computer, but they were like, so not on board with where I could actually get myself a copy. Panic. Here I was about a mile (OK, half mile) from home in the slicing cold air and I am still without a Bigfoot book. What on earth was Steve talking about? Does the book only exist in Canada? What was I to DO....?

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