Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Business Traveler Chronicles – Sympathetic Nachos

Last night I watched the 81st Academy Awards from my hotel room by myself. Well, I was not entirely alone. I was accompanied by a fun-loving, cheerful plate of nachos that I ordered from room service. These nachos came with the perfect kind of salsa/guacamole/sour cream and they were also extremely colorful and inviting. Only problem was, as I sat on my hotel bed in my pjs watching Slumdog Millionaire clean house, I started to feel like nachos were a bad choice for solo business traveler eating. 

Who was I to be sitting by myself eating a party food like nachos? Were these nachos disappointed that they had not been invited to a party but instead to a Sunday night solo TV fest? But, you know, as it turned out it was actually a pleasant surprise - Nachos are apparently a really understanding snack! They are totally down if you feel like inviting them to a really chill party for one. I found that these nachos (and a few beers) did such a great job hitting the spot, that they could now only be referred to as Sympathetic Nachos.

After last night, I am now a firm believer that nachos are the best thing to combat the business traveler blues. They are like your crazy friend from college who never got a real job. To me, nachos say things like, "Fun! Bar Food! I'm drunk with friends!" whereas they do not say things like,  "Sunday night flight... Meeting the client early in the AM... Tired and not working out... Homesick with nobody in particular to call." No. Nachos definitely do not talk like that. Maybe split pea soup gets a little pouty at times, but nachos definitely stay peppy and optimistic no matter what the cirmcumstances.

Oftentimes for my job I do end up eating room service food. We may not finish a day's work until late at night, or there might be a necessity to squeeze in an early morning breakfast. The whole room service experience never ceases to amaze me. You pick up this book, you find something in it that you want to eat, you call some people, and they bring it to you. I don't care if you think I sound like Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman; the magic of room service will never cease to amaze me.

Some people like to put out a lot of hype about the mini bar. The mini bar does tend to give off a seductive air of mystery and intrigue in the early days of travel, but once you have a few years under your belt, you simply get down to business and make sure that your room is not missing a wine opener (like mine was tonight). There is no time to waste with giving unnessary props to the mini bar. The strategy should be to get in, assess the situation, and get out. You want the $15 peanuts? OK. You want to drink half a Bud Light and then chug some Gatorade before hitting the hotel gym? No problem. You seen one mini bar, you've seen them all. And they are all sexy liquor cabinets from afar and dusty coolers when you get up close. They are cheap, they are trashy, and you know they have probably been around the block.

But if you want to spend some quality time in that hotel room... If you want your food to say, "I love you and your cute red rolling suitcase," then by all means, you must order a plate of Sympathetic Nachos. When they arrive at your room, there will be a moment of suspense before they are revealed from beneath their metal curtain. Upon first sight of their rainbow-colored, multi-textured appearance, you will immediately get all mushy with love at first sight. You will forget the fact that you forgot to pack underwear, or that you never did pay the bills on the kitchen table. You will lay back against the pillows, embark on a crunchy party in your mouth, and get a few guacamole stains on the hotel bedspread. Soon your new mantra will be:

I love you, nachos.

NOTE: None of the following information regarding Sympathetic Nachos applies to Motel Six, The Budget Host, or The Best Western. If you are at any of these fine establishments, you should seek the McDonalds down the street to receive the same level of hospitality you might be seeking from a plate of Sympathetic Nachos.



  1. i love you. i wish i were a boy so i could date you.

    (little sparrow)

  2. little sparrow,

    wherever you are out there... ditto :+}